Sometimes life feels like your out in the middle of an ocean during a storm, just you and your tiny rowboat...and there just went one of the oars. "At least" you think to yourself " I have the other one to knock myself unconscious with." And just like that, the ocean swallows up the other one.
In my case right now its disease, but the ocean is many things to many people. It is financial instability, uncertainty, abuse, it is the limitations of racism and sexism, bigotry, it is fractured families and personal stagnation. We all find ourselves in vast oceans from time to time. And it might seem like a pond to your neighbor, but when your inside it the horizons disappear and you just see water all around.
But, I do find a curious thing happening to me. As the ocean tides climb and toss me from wave to wave, I can still find an odd comfort. I find joy in the tiny cracks of my vessel. The waters might be vast, the sky might be black, but me and my tiny boat endure. I have become proud of it.
I am proud that my body has taken so much and still endured. Last Saturday, I got up and danced at a wedding. I wobble more in my heels now, but I can still do the Twist like no ones business. I am proud that I can still work pretty much full time and contribute. I am lucky to have relative financial stability now that we both work full time- more than I have ever had in my adult life, even with the medical bills. I am grateful to have the family and friends I do, and discover I have more of both along the way. I have a partner that I know with all my heart is meant for me. All this overjoys me. All this can overshadow the difficulties and make those stupid clumps of cells in me look pretty insignificant in the grand scheme.
So next time your alone in the ocean, look at your tiny vessel and admire it's fine construction. You may be broke, but you have the skills to forge ahead. You may have been hurt, but you are strong enough to heal. You have family, or friends, or the confidence, the skills, and fortitude to help you brave the night. You have perspectives, strengths, and privileges in places you don't even realize.
Floating out there in the storming darkness, you might just spot another tiny oar-less boat out in the distance. You might see a girl, soaked to the bone, and wonder why she is smiling...
Because, my friend, this storm can rage all it wants...but it can't blot out the sun that lives inside me.
In my case right now its disease, but the ocean is many things to many people. It is financial instability, uncertainty, abuse, it is the limitations of racism and sexism, bigotry, it is fractured families and personal stagnation. We all find ourselves in vast oceans from time to time. And it might seem like a pond to your neighbor, but when your inside it the horizons disappear and you just see water all around.
But, I do find a curious thing happening to me. As the ocean tides climb and toss me from wave to wave, I can still find an odd comfort. I find joy in the tiny cracks of my vessel. The waters might be vast, the sky might be black, but me and my tiny boat endure. I have become proud of it.
I am proud that my body has taken so much and still endured. Last Saturday, I got up and danced at a wedding. I wobble more in my heels now, but I can still do the Twist like no ones business. I am proud that I can still work pretty much full time and contribute. I am lucky to have relative financial stability now that we both work full time- more than I have ever had in my adult life, even with the medical bills. I am grateful to have the family and friends I do, and discover I have more of both along the way. I have a partner that I know with all my heart is meant for me. All this overjoys me. All this can overshadow the difficulties and make those stupid clumps of cells in me look pretty insignificant in the grand scheme.
So next time your alone in the ocean, look at your tiny vessel and admire it's fine construction. You may be broke, but you have the skills to forge ahead. You may have been hurt, but you are strong enough to heal. You have family, or friends, or the confidence, the skills, and fortitude to help you brave the night. You have perspectives, strengths, and privileges in places you don't even realize.
Floating out there in the storming darkness, you might just spot another tiny oar-less boat out in the distance. You might see a girl, soaked to the bone, and wonder why she is smiling...
Because, my friend, this storm can rage all it wants...but it can't blot out the sun that lives inside me.
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